A Perfect Circle 

Every thought of mine 

Begins and ends with you

It is a perfect circle 

It is like the chaos of my mind

Has come to a perfect standstill

Standing in perfect harmony

Playing out like an intricate symphony 

I seem to gravitate towards you

Every moment, every breath

Heavens will rain blood

When the full extent of my feelings is revealed 

Write your name with this rain 

And everything else will fade away 

You complete the void in me 

It is like a flash of lightning

On an overcast afternoon 

Because my darkness ends where you begin…

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Straight From The Heart

It’s ridiculous how I function
I might be at my lowest
Feeling depressed as ever
And yet I watch a sad film
Listen to stories of agony
Fill myself with more melancholia
Empathise with others pain
And feel it with mingling with my own
I guess I’m a masochist
Suffering is a must
Why not enjoy it?
‘Expose yourself to uncomfortable zones and you’ll grow’ they say, my whole life has been an uncomfortable zone and I want to grow out of it
My mind is a glass box
Sometimes I worry it will shatter
And truth will pour out
Bloody and bruised by the shards of glass
They say people who feel lonely tend to notice ants a lot, ants always move in groups and you want to be part of one- I have hallucinated them
Darkness surrounds me
There is an emptiness inside
Yet I feel so full of demons
From the top of my lungs to the bottom of my heart I scream, at the chasm in between, and this path of misery
My mind is an abyss, cold, dark and empty
A flash of lighting, it is only my nihilism
Yet I expose myself to more pain
I guess it makes me feel more human
But I always hated them
My whole life I’ve never felt like I belong somewhere, I feel alienated in my own space. Never been anyone’s top priority, I remain just an honourable mention…

A Love Letter to Online Relationships

‘They’re not your real friends, you will never meet them. There are no real emotions, it’s hollow’ said a friend of mine about internet friends. It made me boil with anger. The same rage fills me up every time when someone says ‘What if it’s a fake profile?’ when I tell them about my Facebook friends. Acceptable or not, online relationships have been something I’ve often thought about, I’ve often wondered if they’re better than irl friends.
As opposed to my real life friends, I might never know what an online friend actually looks like irl, their address, or what they smell like, or if they come from a rich family. However, I do know things about them that I wouldn’t know about my real friends. Superficial details aside, I know what their real thoughts and feelings are, I am more well-acquainted with their likes, dislikes and points of view than those who are physically present around them. I often find it bewildering how I find it much easier to vent to an online friend rather than to an irl friend or even to a family member. Part of the reason is that I know that an internet friend will never bitch about me neither will they judge me because they themselves have gone through similar phases and the lack of fear of social stigma, which often leads to heavy unpleasant judgements in real life, will allow them to vent out to you as well instead of deriding your feelings by projecting their insecurities which often happens with the ‘real’ social circle.

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Venting to an online friend comes with no cost. There are no responsibilities attached. Sometimes the person you are venting to might develop a deep connection with you, other times the process might just end up being severely impersonal. All it comes down to is finding the right person you want to develop a friendship with. Again, finding like-minded people online is far easier than in real life. We often find ourselves surrounded by people we can’t relate to one bit and yet the ‘friendship’ drags on as a part of some social obligation. This problem doesn’t arise online, like a particular genre of music? Get on a music group, like a particular celebrity? get on their fan forum, follower of a particular ideology?, it’s pretty easy to find people with mutual interests. Another great aspect of online relationships is that since there are no responsibilities attached, you can break free from the relationship whenever you desire without any drama or the awkwardness of meeting the person in public. Once you block the person, it ends the relationship forever. For good.
Hollow or not, I do not care. I love meeting new people online, much more than in real life. I don’t have to constantly worry about how I’m dressed or how I smell or about acne when I’m speaking to someone online. I get to meet people from the most diverse societies, cultures with really interesting religious and art history. I see people who are discriminated in real life and are severely depressed but they find solace in online communities where they are appreciated for what they actually are. The online world is a part of our reality and the social component is a very essential part of this reality. I’d rather have a conversation with someone online that I share mutual understanding with than be with someone irl who sugarcoats their words but hold grudges against me inside. It doesn’t matter to me how far they might be from me physically, mentally they’re in my arms holding on to me tightly and making me feel beautiful.

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