State of collapse 

The lines of dream and reality

Have been blurred beyond recognition 

A mist permanently wraps itself around me

Its icy fingers have a grip tighter than death

They simulate drowning; no, this is drowning 

Perfect dimensions don’t exist anymore

The (dis)order of anarchy is ruling 

Like mighty malevolent Gods towering over me

Acting like reminders; they have an all seeing eye

And I can’t escape this prison of pain

The slow burn of time and its gradual march 

Has never felt this focused, this twisted,

This vehement 

Mighty structures have collapsed

And I now have to search for meaning 

In their debris

A ton of words, faces, and feelings 

All of them lie wasted 

And a silent breeze keeps blowing 

Pushing in a direction far away from you.

End Times

Do you know what it feels like? It’s like losing a piece of a completed jigsaw puzzle. When you have seen with complete satisfaction what the whole looks like but now a small piece missing has rendered everything pointless. It’s like that one small void has taken over everything, spread like an infection. It’s just one empty space, just one gap in the beautiful picture, but it feels like it’s protruding like a tumor. It’s like watching your hand burn slowly, while a pail of water lies just there. The emptiness inside burns more than any fire, beginning at the heart and radiating outwards. Till it consumes you. Makes you a part of it. You collapse into your own core like a star at the end of its life. The limbs that would spring into action after seeing them now carry no emotion. It’s like a nail that snapped off a wall and the painting it held crashed to the floor.  When a cyclone destroys everything and smashes every castle you built and dreamt of living in but the factor of time continues, on and on and on and on and on. Everything remains the same. But you just lost a piece. And now the picture is ruined. But the most you can do is see the ruins and try to make sense of it. You try to rationalize the tragedy and see if it makes any sense, as a consolation, as an afterthought to all your depression, as a funeral for your guilt, but there’s no coffin for your past.

      ——

And it’s scary to think of abandoning this. It means you have to leave your artwork. Your creation. Something you both worked on. Because that’s how love works, like a painting. You two work together to express your vision, some like it deep and symbolic, others prefer minimalism, some like it wild and abstract, but abandoning each other is like abandoning your artwork in between. The hardest thing about ending, is starting again. Finding someone with the same vision as yours, who looks at the canvas with the same passion as you, the same perversion and destructive tendencies as you, every stroke of paint is as measured and precise as yours, the same amount of emotion going into it, and as you stand by admiring your work, holding each other’s hands, the painting seems perfect. Time stops. Will you find someone like that, again?

——

A part of your soul has died. A world far away from the real one has just crumbled. You have been jerked away from this heaven and pulled back to the painful reality of mundane existence. It’s like a high wearing off after your first smoke, the warm fuzziness giving way to your cold and rational self. Every interaction with other humans is fake and shallow. You suddenly realize how weak and helpless you are, and how much of life can be drained out of you in a few hours. And you’re obsessed with time. Time, the supreme driver of all reality keeps moving, indifferent to the reactions in your brain and the hormones in your system. Hope and expectations are evil at times like these. Because time doesn’t wait, it discards the inefficient.

A Perfect Circle 

Every thought of mine 

Begins and ends with you

It is a perfect circle 

It is like the chaos of my mind

Has come to a perfect standstill

Standing in perfect harmony

Playing out like an intricate symphony 

I seem to gravitate towards you

Every moment, every breath

Heavens will rain blood

When the full extent of my feelings is revealed 

Write your name with this rain 

And everything else will fade away 

You complete the void in me 

It is like a flash of lightning

On an overcast afternoon 

Because my darkness ends where you begin…

Come Back To Me

I lay awake in bed

Wondering if you’re taken 

Or if you’re  mine

I wonder if I’m still the same 

As you knew me

I hate you

But I don’t want to disappoint you

People say I’ve become better

A happier, more respectable man

I want you to see how much I have changed

Since you left

I reminisce the times we spent together 

I try hard to forget you

But all it takes is a movie

Or a song

And you’re right back on my mind

My smiles are meaningless and hollow

My emotions shallow

Every inch of me craving for you

I spent a whole lot of time 

Trying to get rid of you

Life with you was hell

My love for you was dangerous

It was like swallowing cyanide

With a smile on my face

But I’m addicted to you

To your presence 

There’s nothing but loneliness now

Stranded on a lonely road on a cold rainy night

Come back to me

My dear Melancholia…