State of collapse 

The lines of dream and reality

Have been blurred beyond recognition 

A mist permanently wraps itself around me

Its icy fingers have a grip tighter than death

They simulate drowning; no, this is drowning 

Perfect dimensions don’t exist anymore

The (dis)order of anarchy is ruling 

Like mighty malevolent Gods towering over me

Acting like reminders; they have an all seeing eye

And I can’t escape this prison of pain

The slow burn of time and its gradual march 

Has never felt this focused, this twisted,

This vehement 

Mighty structures have collapsed

And I now have to search for meaning 

In their debris

A ton of words, faces, and feelings 

All of them lie wasted 

And a silent breeze keeps blowing 

Pushing in a direction far away from you.

End Times

Do you know what it feels like? It’s like losing a piece of a completed jigsaw puzzle. When you have seen with complete satisfaction what the whole looks like but now a small piece missing has rendered everything pointless. It’s like that one small void has taken over everything, spread like an infection. It’s just one empty space, just one gap in the beautiful picture, but it feels like it’s protruding like a tumor. It’s like watching your hand burn slowly, while a pail of water lies just there. The emptiness inside burns more than any fire, beginning at the heart and radiating outwards. Till it consumes you. Makes you a part of it. You collapse into your own core like a star at the end of its life. The limbs that would spring into action after seeing them now carry no emotion. It’s like a nail that snapped off a wall and the painting it held crashed to the floor.  When a cyclone destroys everything and smashes every castle you built and dreamt of living in but the factor of time continues, on and on and on and on and on. Everything remains the same. But you just lost a piece. And now the picture is ruined. But the most you can do is see the ruins and try to make sense of it. You try to rationalize the tragedy and see if it makes any sense, as a consolation, as an afterthought to all your depression, as a funeral for your guilt, but there’s no coffin for your past.

      ——

And it’s scary to think of abandoning this. It means you have to leave your artwork. Your creation. Something you both worked on. Because that’s how love works, like a painting. You two work together to express your vision, some like it deep and symbolic, others prefer minimalism, some like it wild and abstract, but abandoning each other is like abandoning your artwork in between. The hardest thing about ending, is starting again. Finding someone with the same vision as yours, who looks at the canvas with the same passion as you, the same perversion and destructive tendencies as you, every stroke of paint is as measured and precise as yours, the same amount of emotion going into it, and as you stand by admiring your work, holding each other’s hands, the painting seems perfect. Time stops. Will you find someone like that, again?

——

A part of your soul has died. A world far away from the real one has just crumbled. You have been jerked away from this heaven and pulled back to the painful reality of mundane existence. It’s like a high wearing off after your first smoke, the warm fuzziness giving way to your cold and rational self. Every interaction with other humans is fake and shallow. You suddenly realize how weak and helpless you are, and how much of life can be drained out of you in a few hours. And you’re obsessed with time. Time, the supreme driver of all reality keeps moving, indifferent to the reactions in your brain and the hormones in your system. Hope and expectations are evil at times like these. Because time doesn’t wait, it discards the inefficient.

RISE!

 

 He walks alone on the streets
 Undeterred by rain and frost
 Gaze fixed straight ahead
 His eyes alone can reduce cities to dust
 No establishment is too big for him
 No rules could hold him back
 He walks with a rage unseen
 Following the stars in the sky
 Gods and Kings will collapse
 When the ocean inside his heart pours out
 The emptiness echoes within
 But when he speaks only fire comes out
 Behind his mask tears build up
 Anarchy is for lovers
 This one lost one up
 His palm itches to hold his comrade's
 They are one,in spirit
 But he is alone for now
 Ready with a gun to destroy order
 And release what society most fears,
 Freedom.

 

Dirty, Dirty Rockstar

You saw him on your TV

A God that you had wanted

Lust that grows with peoples hatred

Every protest, and you feel insulted

He’s the man of your dreams

His words are more divine than your priests

His sound is the voice of your screams

And yet you think his style is grounded

 

He’s an angel with scabbed wings

A demon to save your world

He said he loves you like his little girl

And you felt the pain in his voice

He was the end of your misery, its dirty demise

 

Now you wear the same brand of lipstick

That he does, and the mascara he wears

His gothic black boots are your parents nightmares

He cuts himself on screen

With words too obscene

You waited in line for hours, you wanted to meet him

But he went too soon, didn’t get a chance to greet him

You were so frustrated you broke out at your parents

And spat at the guy from school who claimed you’re the dearest

That was the night you put his songs on loop

You slipped into a depressive cocoon

Of your lustful devotion

A bag of hallucinogenics and a mindful of twisted emotions

 

 

He’s an angel with scabbed wings

A demon to save your world

Watch as he lets his darkness unfurl

You wish he would be yours

Because he looks so sad and lonely

But little did you know that his story is phoney

You’d bathe in his sorrow

But all he did was piss on you

Because power always pisses on the weak

 

He’s a drug addict now and part of a scandal

He wasn’t too merciful with his groupies

And did things to them that you can’t fathom

But he’s the love of your life

And you stand by him even though he sold you lies

You thought he held your hand when you were alone

But heroes die too soon, and your models are decievers

You cut your arm for real but his blood onscreen was fake

His entire facade was built to target your emotions

 

Now you plead for the Angel

The demon you left your love and family for

You thought he was true, but he left wounds so raw

Your insecurity is his market

It’s not the sadness but the drugs that made his face rugged

You thought he would be yours

But as always, you’ve been cheated again and left alone…

 

Carcinoma

22/12/2015

 

Its just another day with very little sleep

Another night of horrible nightmares

Another day of violent vomiting and nausea

Another day in the Land of Malady

It’s been like this for a while now

My body has become a wasteland

A host

 

In me grows my baby

I still remember the day

When the doc said I was pregnant

It was a day of such simple joy

But all too soon came the news

A crushing blow

 

My body was also a host

To an emotionless alien

Growing, spreading inside me

Eating my insides and corroding my immunity

My heart sank when the doc said it

‘Cancer’

 

And that’s the day the battle began

A beautiful soul growing in me

A human life, soon to be born

With dreams and hope and love

Together with a being whose sole purpose

Was to kill

 

‘Life is a race’ they say

Yes, and I’m a finalist already

But I have to run for the life that lives inside

Outlive the monster, I tell myself

But it keeps growing

Its will as inhuman as its purpose

Pure evil

 

I give up sometimes

‘Just begin with the treatment’ they say

But it endangers the life of the child as well

The thing, it has spread its claws on both of us

I shed tears, of desperation

Of guilt and sometimes of joy

When I feel my child move inside

It is a little triumph of life

A little nudge reminding me to carry on

‘Be a fighter mom!’

I dream my child say with a smile on an angelic face

And then I see the face begin to rot

It’s like even my brain is full of venom

I hope my child wins

Hope.

Red

The monk had to bite his tongue

Before he could admit it to himself

He had seen the girl during the festival

And she had stayed in his mind ever since

It was the first of his innocent sins…

I wanted that rose so badly

I wrapped my flesh around its thorns

The way it stood, bright red

My hands are withered, but my heart is clean

Why did you do this to me?

He spoke to her so frequently

She seemed to him so disturbed

What is wrong, my child, he inquired

Her face twitched and made sounds absurd

Her parents had harassed her

And now all he knew was rage

I wanted that rose so badly

All my prayers were for it

The way it stood,so brightly

My mind is without peace, but my heart is clean

Why did you do this to me?

They decided to end her misery

He was man enough to help her

He broke into her house and killed her parents

She looked at him and smiled and that smile was treasure

But the smile melted away

And her eyes turned sinister

I wanted that rose so badly

I betrayed my God for it

But still it stood with so much pride

My conscience is stained, but my heart is clean

Why did you do this to me?

They put him on the stake next day

All the monks and villagers

She was there too, with a smile

He was treated like the killers and pillagers

They burnt him while they cheered

And he wept through his final moments

I wanted that rose so badly

I traded my life for it

But it stood like nothing had happened

My body burns, but my heart is clean

Why did you do this to me?

Acid Words By Acid Souls 

*This post is not meant to be read on phone screens.*

ABUSING SUNSHINE                                                                       RUTHLESS

-Girish Jalihal                                                                                -Shreya Tiwari 

It is like an addiction 

You smoke the pipe 

It fills up your lungs

With a warm fuzzy feeling 

But before you know 

The pipe has sucked the shit out of you

                                  Little did I know, You came with an agenda of your own.

                                                                    To lure, to exploit, to cheat, to deprive. 

                                                                         What was once a smiling invitation, 

                                                                                  Turned into a nightmarish exit. 

                 And many have come since then, Each one worse than the other. 

                                                Some came in as family, While others as friends. 

                                                              Each exit wound worse than the previous, 

                                                                   Each one leaving me broken and spent.

My emotions are violent 

My words are bloody 

You’re naive if you worry of scars

I can show you worse 

I can wield a bloody axe in broad daylight 

But tremble in my knees when I speak to you

Nobody realizes how possessive I am 

I will slaughter sunlight if it touches you the wrong way 

                                                                 You haven’t made life any easier for me, 

                                                                                     Being there till you wanted it. 

                                                                                              Careful till you needed it. 

                                                 Caring is not a virtue I’ve experienced from you, 

                                                                             So now you see what I’ve become? 

                                                                                                          Pebbled and ruined

What you made me 

Is a junkie 

Who can’t smoke anymore

Because he knows it will be a disaster

Every breath will be heavy

A part of me has died 

But I am glad he did 

I had to kill him off 

To be able to live 

                                                                                         These are only mind games, 

                                                                                   And see you will, After a while, 

                                                                                                               When I will quit, 

                                                                             For I played no games,I held it all, 

                                                                                                         But all you’ve done,

                                                                                                            Is push me to fall, 

                                                                                                       Play no mind games, 

                                                                                                          I see through it all. 

                                                                     My mind is sharper,Than You thought