Losing Myself

Sitting in the same old room

I sit with my head held between my knees

Wondering if I’ll ever get my life together

Sometimes being able to smile seems like an achievement

Any trace of self confidence or esteem seems annihilated

The spirit that I had built

After conquering my insecurities 

Is shattered again as I watch

People who were intimidated by me

Weak minded cretins with pusillanimous ways

Grow bigger and better than me with every passing day

It’s a strange form of irritation 

A frustration mingled with sadness

It’s an abyss that was created

When all sense of pride 

Vanished into thin air

Self worth now seems a delusion of grandeur

I scream internally 

And pick up the pen

It’s a sickening routine but I’m addicted

I believe it exorcizes my demons

But writing only creates them

Gives them a form for the entire world to look at

To peep into the troubled psyche of an insecure little insect

I lose all sense of physical attachment 

A complete desolation of identity

The lights go off

And the wretched apparitions of my mind 

Reveal themselves on paper

As I write

‘Not a body, nor a thought

No emotion and no heart

I am nothing but a mere nocturnal reflection’

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15 thoughts on “Losing Myself

  1. Giving the demons form on the pages that you pen allows you a creators strength to banish them from within. You are strong and wise ,you create and so can exorcise. Banish the demons and live freee

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was so beautifully articulated. We all have certain secrets we tend to hide or run away from. I think at the end we are all nocturnal reflections as the darkness is a part of us too! Great piece, loved it! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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