Voices

‘Tyler? Tyler?? Tyler!!!’

Huh? Doctor? Is that you?

What are you doing in my room?

I can hear you, but I can’t see you

Is my mind playing tricks on me?

It does when I get a little bit lonely

‘Your mom, she hasn’t even wished you

Just like everyone else, she too has ditched you’

She must be with her friends today 

She’s been too tired from working too late

‘She could have informed you

When was the last time she left you?’

But…

‘You’re too much of a burden

It’s difficult to live with a retarded son in a suburban 

Its been months since you last went to school 

Remember the times everyone thought you were cool?

Now nobody seems to miss you

Nobody calls, intentionally, just to diss you’

Arpita called me last week

She had to cut the call because the connection was too bleak

‘That’s just an excuse 

She used to be your muse

Haven’t you heard about her and Rohan?

She has found a replacement 

And you’re on your way to where your dad went’

No! Please stop! You’re making me cry!

You were so nice doctor! Was all the positivity just a lie?

‘You’re fat, ugly, you’re balding and lonely

Do you think girls would want to be with someone so phoney?

People still remember your first public breakdown

They still talk about it, like it were a celebrity meltdown

A bright young kid who completely lost it

He’s holed up now, kept inside a closet

Hahaha

They act nice when you’re around 

And call you a maniac when you’re gone’

No! Please stop!! My head hurts!

It’s like all the blood cells in my brain have burst!

‘I know what to do if that’s the case

It might hurt a little but it will make the pain go away

You see the cutter there? Put it to your neck and push it through

You will feel all the pain and embarrassment fly out of you’

What if I scream and grandma wakes up upstairs?

She’s got a weak heart, it’ll be worse than my worst nightmares

‘There’s nothing to worry about

If you scream, you will choke and only blood will come out

Are you a pussy? If not, you know what to do

And remember, nobodies ever gonna cry for you’

Ugh…ummm…okay

The front door opens. A woman in her mid thirties enters holding a large box and lots of plastic bags from a shopping mall. It’s raining very hard and almost noon. She enters along with a group of teenagers and a couple of adults. All of them settle down in the living room and start playing Tyler’s favorite music and  decorating the place. The woman, Tyler’s mom, walks towards his room which is locked from the inside. She knocks on the door. ‘Honey! I’m back! Sorry I left you alone! You thought mommy forgot about your birthday didn’t you? Awww my baby, I have bought you a big birthday cake and also enrolled you for the piano course!’ She knocks again.’All your friends are here too. All of them. They  have been planning a surprise party for you all this time! And oh, your phone! It wasn’t working and the phone calls would end too soon but don’t worry I got it fixed!’ She knocks rapidly. ‘Come out baby! You’re doctor is here as well! He came all the way from his clinic just to meet you!’ The knocking grows. ‘Come out! Come out!! Open the door honey!!’

‘Tyler? Tyler?? Tyler!!!’

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Straight From The Heart

It’s ridiculous how I function
I might be at my lowest
Feeling depressed as ever
And yet I watch a sad film
Listen to stories of agony
Fill myself with more melancholia
Empathise with others pain
And feel it with mingling with my own
I guess I’m a masochist
Suffering is a must
Why not enjoy it?
‘Expose yourself to uncomfortable zones and you’ll grow’ they say, my whole life has been an uncomfortable zone and I want to grow out of it
My mind is a glass box
Sometimes I worry it will shatter
And truth will pour out
Bloody and bruised by the shards of glass
They say people who feel lonely tend to notice ants a lot, ants always move in groups and you want to be part of one- I have hallucinated them
Darkness surrounds me
There is an emptiness inside
Yet I feel so full of demons
From the top of my lungs to the bottom of my heart I scream, at the chasm in between, and this path of misery
My mind is an abyss, cold, dark and empty
A flash of lighting, it is only my nihilism
Yet I expose myself to more pain
I guess it makes me feel more human
But I always hated them
My whole life I’ve never felt like I belong somewhere, I feel alienated in my own space. Never been anyone’s top priority, I remain just an honourable mention…