Losing Myself

Sitting in the same old room

I sit with my head held between my knees

Wondering if I’ll ever get my life together

Sometimes being able to smile seems like an achievement

Any trace of self confidence or esteem seems annihilated

The spirit that I had built

After conquering my insecurities 

Is shattered again as I watch

People who were intimidated by me

Weak minded cretins with pusillanimous ways

Grow bigger and better than me with every passing day

It’s a strange form of irritation 

A frustration mingled with sadness

It’s an abyss that was created

When all sense of pride 

Vanished into thin air

Self worth now seems a delusion of grandeur

I scream internally 

And pick up the pen

It’s a sickening routine but I’m addicted

I believe it exorcizes my demons

But writing only creates them

Gives them a form for the entire world to look at

To peep into the troubled psyche of an insecure little insect

I lose all sense of physical attachment 

A complete desolation of identity

The lights go off

And the wretched apparitions of my mind 

Reveal themselves on paper

As I write

‘Not a body, nor a thought

No emotion and no heart

I am nothing but a mere nocturnal reflection’